Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in Jon (shaggy)'s LiveJournal:

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Thursday, March 27th, 2008
2:48 am	i play mondo tower defence, brah! other than that, shit's still gnarly, dude! then i get soooo pitted... anywho, rain, some snowflakes, im in salem again and will go back to pasadena soon. just biding time until warm weather still. fuck, dude. make the most of this life, dig? im honestly stone cold sober right now. just bored. pretty exceedingly bored. i feel pretty chill though, and optimistic. peace, jon (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, January 12th, 2008
7:37 pm	after spending new years and christmas in oregon and washington, im back in pasadena. wow, i havent written here in a long time. almost nobody does anymore. whatever. peace! -jon Current Music: genghis tron (Comment on this)
Sunday, November 4th, 2007
3:40 pm	yo, still in pasadena, at victor's residence. will work for one more week at my office job then after a few days, will bust up north from SB to try to get to humboldt. i really should take my time and enjoy it too. ive been meaning to do some camping, just no travelling for a day, only hiking in with enough food and water and staying a day or two without any human contact. and then cliff jumping when the weather is warm. in europe i never got too far away from the roads. that is something i intend to do with the incredible amounts of undisturbed forests in the west coast. and i will have a tent for winter too, so it should be easier. im really optimistic and feel good about humanity right now. peace y'all, jon Current Mood: rejuvenated Current Music: CRASS, chuck ragan, the draft (Comment on this)
Friday, October 26th, 2007
1:07 pm	hey yall, im back in pasadena finally! but just staying for a bit until i push off again for the north. europe was awesome and i have millions of stories, stuff that happened every single day and weird people ive met and great conversations ive had. take care, jon (Comment on this)
Sunday, September 30th, 2007
9:46 pm	i miss music soooo much. listening at an internet cafe now to bands on myspace. have to say that chuck ragan of hot water music's solo project is rad. like rumbleseat. may see him in freiburg. also, the new against me! is actually really good in a less country, more alternative way. i cant wait to get to my laptop. its amazing how much music inspires and changes your outlook to a more idealistic one. art makes life seem more idealistic, which it is. gives us proper perspective on things. man doesnt live on bread alone. a week with my music will take away all my misguided frustration and shortsightedness during the lonely and tired hours of travelling. it will help me love the world and be excited about living. music is a sacrament. a power like religion in its affects. i will be wandering around the US and canada, seeing small towns and friendly people, and organic farms, cuz fuck work. cuz fuck the futures, its fucked anyway for us. after just one song i like, i have so much energy out of nothing to rip through the world visiting places unwritten about, but amazing nonetheless. and i want to see my friends. my time is my own, i own the weekend AND the week. its mine and i dont wanna sell it yet. the price of the luxuries arent worth it. i can do without. go where i want. do what i want when i want. damn the rules that say otherwise. man is born free, but everywhere, he is in chains. love, jon Current Music: chuck ragan (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, September 1st, 2007
6:31 pm	gutentag gutentag, yall, from duisburg. well i havent been updating, but ive been emailing a lot still. shits been gnarly, bro. ive slept in boxcars, on cliffs, in campers, in a cabin north of the arctic circle, in abandoned buildings, in sketchy drug selling squats near international borders, behind catholic churches on steep mountainsides, with hippies and winemakers and rockers and families. and i worked a week in slovenia picking grapes and sampling a new wine every day. ive been europe all over, and these are my favorite places: freiburg, germany (rad city, lots of punks, hippies, bohemians, and right below some mountains) french coast south of bordeaux (surfs up, dude. hot, naked babes. and miles of uninhabited forests and coasts) holland (next to germans, the dutch are the best fucking people in the world) ghent & brugge, belgium (cool medieval cities, lot of hardcore kids) but my favorite place is SLOVENIA. my favorite country in europe. people are chill and everyone speaks english. hitchhiking is wonderful, everything is clean, even the rivers running through cities. and the nature is beautiful and people often kayak, rockclimb, and do outdoor sports. thats why i stayed 2 weeks and found a job there. but now, i must ask you something. i have 3 options for cities to fly back to. i dont know if i should go to canada or not, but if i do, i think i would go north. if not, i should go south. i can go to baltimore, nyc, or boston. boston is the easiest to hitchhike to canada, and baltimore is the easiest to hitchhike to kentucky or north carolina. and nyc is the hardest to leave, but the most interesting of those 3. which should i go to, and which way should i go after that? like a very concerned czech driver said to me... peace and love, man. Current Mood: accomplished (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, July 13th, 2007
1:39 pm	hey all, sorry for lack of updates, but i have precious little time on the internet each time i can get to it since its always on borrowed time and borrowed computers. im alive and kicking with some incredible good luck and incredibly horrible luck from more than 2 weeks of travels. all around france, belgium, and now in spain. the bastards didnt let me into england. but fuck, i will find a way yet... im mostly doing emails, which i get to send out about every 3 days. it sucks having to keep making the updates short. but when every day is full of craziness and urgent wanderings and arriving at night and wanting to not be rude and antisocial with gracious hosts, then the time i spend online has to be short. peace, jon (Comment on this)
Monday, June 25th, 2007
12:34 pm	so i leave tomorrow. wow. less than 24 hours. im already overwhelmed by the warmth and anticipation of people i already plan to meet, or who are offering up a place to stay (all of them girls). i think that tomorrow will supersede my post-marijuana depression. i smoked out on saturday and, i think due to previous psychedelic use, it was more intense than what most people describe. i felt the inside of my mouth with my tongue and thought i was seeing a huge mouth cavity from the inside out. extreme synesthesia and crazy closed eye visuals. but my memory was all but fucked. my mind kept wanting to dwell on chaos. like the idea that our minds are eternal, but we do not live in an ordered universe, and we are a product of random chance, so it is possible that there is no such thing as heaven, just an afterlife where you descend to insanity and chaotic thoughts and feelings of isolation. which isnt the result of divine judgement, but the curse of having a perceptual mind in an uncaring universe. the next day, it was hard to see what was going on around me as real and that was depressing and disconcerting. things recover over time, but i hope it happens soon and reality feels more immediate (as opposed to feeling it being mediated by my senses, which are just partial representations of reality). i want to feel in touch with reality, the common thing where everyone convenes. i want to learn to love and feel connected. i want the money to last forever. i dont want to feel the future as an obligation, but an extension of the very enjoyable present. next time i update, it will be in the old world. love, jon Current Music: hot water music (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 24th, 2007
12:09 pm	gettin really close to departure. i just cooked some oatmeal on my stove for mental preparation. oregon was ok. i saw the redwoods, and my parents. but not for that long. and if i leave tuesday, that means i only have today and tomorrow to say goodbye to everyone. wow. insane. no car now. i have to bike everywhere. and walk to the laundramat soon. farewell. love, jon Current Music: sound of my stove spitting fire (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
12:39 am	i had a talk with armen recently, who i dont really talk to often. really, once you begin to question the basics and are left without substantial meaning to get you by, you can't just patch it up. you can't go about things the way most people do. you can't ignore the bug because it will persist, because no man can cover the truth inside himself for that long. in these people, the questions always come back. and the best thing you can do is let them flood in and take away what you think you might miss. the end result just may be that you find yourself more free. free to reject, and free to be sincere with people around you. and it deepens your connections with others. people become afraid of the destructive nature of these questions before they experience the freedom they bring. its good though, to see people so honest and moved by their search. interesting, i take off in a week. and tonight, feel profoundly alone. and then was flaked on. i always end up telling friends to wait when they go out because im waiting for someone to show up who never does and drop something off or drop by. then i stay here myself the whole night, just before im gonna leave to oregon, when im already feeling alone today. that pisses me off. the decline of western civilization is a great documentary. the final joke: the air in utopia is poisonous. well, tomorrow its here to humboldt. and then up the oregon coast the next day. if only my sister was there and my grandpa was still alive. i think i would feel more whole by the time i come back... love, jon Current Mood: depressed Current Music: "god send a bomb" (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 17th, 2007
1:02 am	less than 2 weeks left now. me and adrian will be up in oregon from the 20th-23rd. then, its no car. oh yeah, i got in the first accident in my 7 years of driving on friday. you would think i could avoid it for just 2 weeks and be scott free, but no. whatever. i will likely take off to paris on the 26th or 27th. hot water music + against me! both are awesome. real soulful punk they have there in gainesville. if only everyone felt the way they sing. well, in 2 weeks i will be tearing up the french countryside and boiling tea and taking in the wonders with stolencompass. ive thought about this so much that i dont recognize how crazy it all is. but people tell me im crazy so it must be a crazy idea. which is good. we need stories to tell. love, jon Current Music: hot water music (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 13th, 2007
4:08 pm	last night i was in a simulated video game fighting ninjas on the underside of a garbage truck with a plunger, snapping necks, when i woke up and realized that i was an hour late to my final. so i rushed there, wrote a sloppy essay, and hope to get a B. if i'm in the country this year for the presidential elections, i don't know whether i should vote for the national socialist party or the prohibition party. which would you choose? Current Music: municipal waste is gonna FUCK YOU UP! (5 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 12th, 2007
1:25 am	music. illicit and underground. taught me how to breathe fire. how to actually believe and not compromise, and actually feel what you believe. and artists, they sacrifice everything, the "good life", to write, to play, and leave a mark that they think is meaningful. i learned that its possible to bypass mainstream avenues. and do they come out of it satisfied, or do they come away saying that they've thrown their lives away? i dont know what im trying to say. im so sick of talking about it and not just doing it. i dont want to hear people congratulate me and in the same breath tell me every reason why i should compromise. why not just save up more money and tour europe in hotels, or hostels if you really want to save money? or get a masters and be a teacher, they get summers off? cautiousness at this age is the only mistake i can think of. how will we envision the impractical, defenseless unconditional love that god asks of us? no one realizing god's reasons, but thinking ours are higher. if we were to love unconditionally, it would have more influence than any coercion. a fraction of the world living this way would soon sweep the entire earth up in it. and that's a simple truth that has been told before, but our compromise and planning and fear that there are too many holes in the plan, and no, it doesn't account to people who want to take advantage of it, and no, how will we keep a check on evil people. not realizing that just doing it, living in the spirit, has a much stronger influence in the world and works inside out to deter evil than our laws and enforcements and set of conditions do. that should be the single point of religion, but its such a radical idea that it gets buried under useless theology and rituals. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Satyagraha anyway, thats just like living through the spirit of music, or freedom. there cannot be any compromise. the aritsts that seek to establish careers instead of just write from the soul because they must, those ones are compromised, and never in history amount to anything. miraculously, ones who dont make those calculations, but are absolutely mad with their art end up serving as our inspirations. regardless of social status at the time of death. all my philosophizing on things culminates into a mode of thinking like this. my religion is what it is, i guess. i wouldnt know what to call it. love, jon Current Mood: restless Current Music: sigur ros, godspeed (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Sunday, June 10th, 2007
3:09 pm	been listening to a lot of against me! lately. they seem to be clearly in touch with my current state right now. which is indescribable to the uninitiated, but it is the utter joy of uncertainty, unemployment, and making this immaterial quest away from every safety youve known into priceless conversations, and a direct engagement to life that you've never experienced before. its a reaction to the shallow state of our economic situation, but politics isnt sufficient enough to incite honest people to action. there's something deeply personal about making this drastic change. rejecting all the givens and creating situations instead of accepting them. youthful idealism is more valid than adulthood pragmaticism for a very simple reason. and that is because we are all going to die, so every reason for self-preservation is going to be long-forgotten, but it's likely that the soul will persevere, and the things of the soul are the only things worth cultivating. idealism is not so short sighted. if anything, making long-term plans for your future will wash away in the next 80 years. people tell me the things that they believe in, but their fear betrays them. especially a lot of these bloodless citizens who go to church on sunday and profess to acknowledge a spiritual life, but by action only find substantial threats and reasons in the material. i truly believe that if people catered to the soul, things would be a LOT different, and our sense of urgency for intimacy would be a lot more evident, and our ability to let go of things that dont really matter would be contageous. it could be brought about all at once, if only people sincerely believed. or even just had faith. i've stepped away from a world i can never find meaning in. and i dont think i can ever get a coherent enough reason to return. a person, in good conscience, can't do something they think is pointless. you MUST do what you find meaningful, and going against the current of the world is 100 times easier than going against the current of your own will. everyone's fucking advice, i could do without. as if they've seen the end. as if, in their old age, they've seen the true form of what our ultimate purpose is gauged towards. age inspires fearful self-preservation. being close to death is not the same as seeing the end revealed. what will truly matter? Current Music: against me! (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 7th, 2007
6:19 pm	i'm sick of hearing about the bravery of men in uniform and about how the rest of us citizens are cowards and on a lower moral level. and that we owe our freedom to the soldiers. i say DEPORT THE TROOPS. sheep can't be the standard of manhood. patriotic scumfucks. i wonder how long people will be all about this militant nationalism until people return back to the much better individualism and contempt for central power like there was before all these world wars. oh, and youth brigade rules. sink with californiaaa... Current Music: rumbleseat, youth brigade (Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 6th, 2007
3:05 pm	i cant find any info on european knife legislation. oh well, im gonna take my folding blade anyway. and hopefully it gets past customs. i dont understand why people in western europe think that so many restrictive laws like gun control and survaillance are progressive and a good thing. you gotta give these fuckers in the government the fear that assassination attempts are always possible. everyone in the 21st century world all of a sudden has a big hard-on for law enforcement and long sentences for minor offences. and boy, we sure found out that that works, with alcohol prohibition, the drug war, which create gangs, and institutionalizing a significant portion of the population in prision culture that spills out onto the streets. well, i finished my last paper for class, and have my last day of school and work next week. after that, i drive my car up to my parents house and fly back down to pasadena. and a few short days, i'll be picking a day to fly and take to the air. it took so long since i first made the decision, but this last month is rushing by pretty fast. -jon Current Music: the jealous sound (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Monday, June 4th, 2007
1:20 am	once my final paper is written, then that will be the last of any notable obligations before i leave. i always liked the feeling of finishing the last project in school before summer. came back from uc santa barbara from a mescaline trip today. wow, the social scene there is really bleak. reminds me of all the hopefullness i had when going there freshman year hoping i would meet interesting folks. but you end up surrounded by too many sheep altogether, and the malcontents are few and far between. its still the case that too many people are too afraid to lend themselves to complete honesty and in too few people you find a desperation for substance. finding substantial meaning, and being all but ready to die for it is about as close to being authentic as possible. are you even in the company of anyone at all when no one is being authentic? thinking about this, its hard not to feel alone, but i think about my father and grandfather (rip) and wonder if someone ever felt as much appreciation as i do for the lives of these two people. and that appreciation spills out onto every the unscripted candid gestures from people i spot who look interesting, or at least observant and seemingly unusually connected to life. like someone smiling at an idea in their head or from a previous conversation, but shy about the impulse to smile, hoping no one is watching too closely. or actually, shyness in a person in general. or sincere fascination, in general. contrast these against loud drunkeness and efforts spent maintaining a posture. i take issue with it, still 4 years later. Current Music: godspeed (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 29th, 2007
5:22 pm	im done preparing for my class presentation of "hunger" by knut hamsun. it was easier to prepare than i thought. funny, i didnt do any last night. i felt so amazing that i had to go for a drive by myself. reminds me of all the times that i have done that, where all "priorities" take the backseat. what else is jon but inwardness! its then and today that i regained what my original intentions were. my momentum that can keep me going forever. man does not live on bread alone. and im brought back to the frame of mind that despairs at everything, because it falls so short of what could be. and at contemporary life, and all the people who fill their lives with useless shit and useless conversations because they are unfullfilled. and people who have to fake enthusiasm, and no longer speak to people from the heart, but instead treat conversations like challenges with gaps that have to be filled. instead, simple honesty will turn you inward to your own soul and you will find that you want to pour it out to other people and don't have enough time in the day to talk and talk and talk about everything that ever mattered and the complexities of how you arrived there. that is the opposite of scraping for words to throw into a meaningless encounter, or scraping for junk hobbies and entertainment to get you by. there is not enough time in the day for a sincere person to cultivate their soul and spill everything they have to other people. Drink deep, or taste not the Pierian spring; For shallow draughts intoxicate the brain And drinking largely sobers us again. Current Mood: ecstatic Current Music: raein, city of caterpillar, lunasa (Comment on this)
Monday, May 28th, 2007
11:20 pm	im fucked, dude. class presentation tomorrow and i havent done shit to prepare. im a few days away from breaking out in poison oak. cuz we hit up the punchbowl. my high-tech socks are amazing. they have features robocop would be jealous of. i think im completely physically prepared for summer. i hiked a hard 6 miles and feel absolutely great. minus the slight itching spots. other than that, been eating for free lately which is awesome. free dinner with my parents friday and saturday, then free food at josh's dad's party sunday, and free steaks at al's house for memorial day. i feel pretty good right now. really harmonious. feeling almost euphoric off of this harmony. i just realized what this is. its the same feeling you get from falling in love. a while ago, i could attach this feeling to love for art and inspiration and love for all humanity. i think i got it back. it happens when you think about people you fell out with, but you still remember them in a sincere moment and grasp their uniqueness and like who they are if you could see them right now, at this instant, alone in their room, or somewhere where no one is watching. and if you can still like a person you once hated, its like falling in love with humanity. its like the objectivity of the god-view of things, forgetting the sequence of things or the irrelevant fact that just the last of countless meetings was on a sour note. there's so many things to take you out of the ordinary, and make you lighter than air. youth is wasted on boring people. it should be meant for people with no sense of practicality whatsoever. you retain the things that have been most intense in your life. whether an external event or a state of mind. and because of that, i can NEVER lose my way. god had me for a few months when i was 17, and i am changed for life. nights like this, in an instant, are what compels me to believe that i can never fall into the mundane for long. i am always lifted up again. love, jon Current Mood: jubilant Current Music: the jealous sound, owen, appleseed cast, whistling woody guthrie (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, May 24th, 2007
11:28 pm	i got sushi twice today. saw my parents and got lobster rolls. i gotta savor these luxuries while i can, cuz itll all be gone in a little bit. a while ago, i pulled up to a gas station in front of a car that didn't look like it was leaving. she was facing me and done, but didnt back up because of a hummer behind her. instead of backing up to let the lady out, the guy gets out of his car, not being very diplomatic about this really minor incident. "you are a FUCKING IDIOT!" he points at me in front of the whole gas station. i dont get it. "why didnt you let her go through first, you fucking idiot?" the only thing i can scrape together while coming up with a comeback is "and this is coming from a guy who drives a fucking hummer!" and then i leave. it's funny how instantaneously the insults come, and also how many street confrontations come from macho guys when they are in the territory of their oversized vehicles. but, i thought of what i wouldve done about 10 years ago at the same incident. when i was very religious, what would my christian response have been. and i think that its probably still relevant now. repaying kindness for anger. its something i used to make it a point to practice, and i know that its an important part of most authentically religious people. anyway, ive been thinking of taking it out for a spin. god knows its hard to be kind to everyone. but its pretty easy to put it in the perspective of just letting things slide. i still can do that. i still cant help but smile when someone is terribly worked up over a really minor thing. i laugh in confrontations when they're stupid. although that usually makes someone madder. but, if you get mad over something so small, or especially over forgivable mistakes, seriously, are you really capable of coping with life? its good to be patient with other people's mistakes. and its a virtue to be ready to forgive. forgive even the worst things imaginable. if someone is sorry, you gotta be gracious to them. dont be an asshole in a hummer. then again, i think that urbanization and entertainment is making a lot of people impatient assholes. -jon Current Music: the jealous sound, my dying bride (7 Comments |Comment on this)